Dating Games, Part 4

Andreas Ortmann
7 min readMar 24, 2023

Oh, happiness is happening / The dragons have been bled / Gentleness is everywhere / And fear’s just in your head

Only in your head, fear is in your head / Only in your head, so forget your head / And you’ll be free / The writing’s on the wall / Free, yeah

And you can know it all if you choose / Just remember, lovers never lose.

(David Bowie, Hunk Dory, Fill your heart)

Previously, … I told you about Northern Beaches beauties and dingbats with dictaphones and how dating can bring one to parts of Sydney one never saw (Manly!) or rarely visits (Chatswood!). I also mentioned how difficult it can be to cut through the crap & deception, or at least economy with truth writ large, that seem to come with the territory. Plus, I mentioned that the asynchronous nature of the dating game invites all kinds of potentially conflicting expectations, … and interpretations …

I also told you about the diverse reactions of those that read this blog. (As if I care.)

[Some facts below may be fictitious, for the sake of the narrative! ;-)]

As you might recall, I wondered about that mysterious woman who expressed interest weeks after I expressed mine and then even asked for my number but had yet to call. (She still hasn’t.)

As you also might recall, I also wondered whether that woman in Chatswood that I talked with on the phone, and that seemed eager to meet, was really that heavy under the weather as she claimed after canceling meetings twice at short notice. You might recall that we kept in touch via sms and that she expressed her need for some “looooooong awaited TLC”, which I volunteered to provide.

Well, she finally was well enough to meet up last Sunday in, wouldn’t you know it, Chatswood (!). Last Saturday, we agreed to meet at 5 pm at the train station. She sent me an inspirational “Joy-does-not-simply-happen-to-us. We-have-to-choose-joy-and-keep-choosing-it-every-day” Sunday morning message to which I responded …

Me: Good morning, Name. I’m sure it will be a fabulous day. Got a date lined up with a hot Latinx chick ;-) How do you feel today?

She: Watch out! Am feeling better! ;-)

So I caught the train from Central at 16:15. Told her that I was on the train and proposed that we meet at the exit gate. Arrived in Chatswood around 16:40, trains running more or less on time for a change. Waited for her. At 17:01 I sent her a sms in form of a simple question mark. 17:15 came and went and I had not heard from her. So I decided to catch the next train home …

She, 17:18: Running late

Me, 17:19: On train back … sorry, didn’t hear from you didn’t know what was going on. Wish you would have written earlier.

She, 17:20: It’s only 5:20. You already left.

She, 17:21: You said 5 pm

‘xactly, dear. (The point being not so much about being late but failing to communicate that you would be when you had plenty of time.)

Let’s just say that weekend was not optimal. The day before (Saturday) I was scheduled to meet the woman I met twice in Chatswood already; this time the game plan was to explore Newtown. She sms’d me Saturday morning whether we, please, could move our date to the next day. Because I had already planned on meeting the Latin sphinx that day, that did not work for me, but we agreed to catch up the following weekend. Alas, turned out that was just fine because after a long day in the office, I actually cherished going home, listening to music, doing some reading, and relaxing over a good bottle of wine.

I was deep asleep when she sms’d me again.

She, 20:21: Hi Andreas, hope you are having a nice evening. I am with my movie gang at my friend’s home in Leichhard. You are welcome to join our small party if you like. Name.

Well, I missed that chance. Turns out that they watched EEAAO which we had chatted about. Loved it although not everyone in her gang apparently did.

Coordination, it’s a thing. We agreed to catch up the following weekend. This weekend, that is. Stay tuned.

On Monday I flew up to Brisbane for a change of scenery ;-).

It turned out to be the kind of trip that is my fav: Productive and enjoyable. Had a long swim every morning at 6 am, met up with a couple of friends and colleagues and, this being Dating Games Pt 4 after all, met with someone that I had chatted with on the phone a couple of times. First meeting over coffee on Tuesday lasted two hours, followed by dinner at Cru (where I met her almost 12-year old, rather impressive, son). Another dinner Wednesday at Yoko (highly recommended) with just her and me, and then a lunch at Greca (the scallops and swordfish were good, the lamb cutlets nothing to write home about) before I made my way to the airport on Thursday and back to Sydney, with a three-hour delay. Thanks, Virgin. Stay tuned

Oh, and while I was in Brizzy I got a flurry of messages from yet another lovely lady— she originally from Persia — that I had signaled my interest in but who also took weeks to respond … Curious and curiouser. Stay tuned on that one, too.

Meanwhile (also last Saturday in the arvo) … the Facey friend that I will meet IRL once we manage to coordinate our busy schedules told me about her PhD supervisor:

Decades ago, … I asked my PhD supervisor why she never took a turn in the rotating Chair of Department role. She said “It’s a two person job and I don’t have a wife taking care of the domestic sphere, as the men do.”

Is that what you are looking for amongst the beach babes? Just curious.

To which I did not respond, initially. Later she wrote …

She: No answer, the stern reply.

Me: Do you really expect me to reply to what is at best an offensive innuendo? As to your question, I am looking for a beach babe that is so wealthy that I can quit my job.

She:

Turns out, she is not the only one who wonders.

A good buddy of mine, commenting on parts 1 and 2:

He: Good luck on your new search; hope you find someone awake in the hours you keep…

Me: Dating Games, Part 3

He: Hmm. Glad it’s you and not me!

Me: It’s entertaing … (once you get in the groove of it)

He: Glad you’re finding it so.

Me: I hope it makes for a good read.

He: It reminds me of how happy I am.

Do you know this quote? “What happens when you date is that you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories — and in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.”

Me: Haha, good one. But I have to say there is huge variance in the dates …

He: What is it you’re looking for relationship wise? You haven’t made that clear in your blogs.

“Looking for interesting people to hang out with and shoot the breeze. Also, in vino veritas.”

P.S. Ob blond, ob schwarz, ob braun
Ich liebe alle Frauen

Modern love

I was discussing the events of the last couple of weeks with my neighbor who has been in the dating market way longer than I have. As you might recall, she’s a couple of decades younger than me but reports that dating apps at her age are “the saddest thing ever” …

Me: I am focussing right now on 7–8 prospects. And have excluded half a dozen from further consideration.

She: That’s a good start. Lol

Me: The puzzle is that a couple of those that i find really interesting are very erratic in responding, like this beauty in Mascot. [pic]

She: Because she too is talking to 30 people and can’t keep up.

Did I mention that it’s a funny game, that dating game?

Sneak preview: The next four weeks I am even deeper in the teaching tunnel, so chances are the next installment might take some time. (Sorry, Uli. Stay tuned.) Meanwhile you might want to read this medium piece on The Science of Attraction and Why Dating Apps Don’t Work For Many People.

Consider making your opinion known by applauding, or commenting, or following me here, or on Facebook.

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Andreas Ortmann

EconProf: I post occasionally on whatever tickles my fancy: Science, evidence production, the Econ tribe, Oz politics, etc. Y’all r entitled to my opinions …