Dating Games, Part 1
“Anye impietie may lawfully be committed in love, which is lawlesse.”
John Lyly, Euphues (1578)
[Some facts below may be fictitious, for the sake of the narrative! ;-)]
Split up last year, after five very good years, and a couple of not so good ones. Granted, there were significant confounds there — the times being what they were — but in the end it was what it was … if someone doesn’t appreciate what you do for them, it’s time to call it quits. Never get between them and the better life they feel they deserve.
So now back in the dating market; it’s a funny market that one. When I met my former partner I used eHarmony (recommended) and match.com (not so much); this time I am using a couple of others. I might reveal eventually which ones. This is Dating Games, Part 1, and there is no telling how many more parts might follow. ;-) (Only so much: I cancelled the automatic renewal to one of them already. Seems not quite worth the money, after a few weeks of sampling.)
The good thing about dating platforms is: save devious scammers everyone on there is there for a purpose that cannot be mistaken. No danger of crossed signals that would mean trouble in professional settings. Sure, you can argue about whether you want short-term dating or long-term dating, a serious relationship or a not so serious, etc., but in the end you are there to find interesting people to shoot the breeze with, hoping that some of these relationships become more meaningful.
To get there, however, is not easy. Because, as with greenwashing, there is a lot of crap and deception to cut through. And a lot of delusion and self-aggrandizement. And I am not just talking about monikers such as Real Aussie Woman, Orientpearl, Quintessence, OneInAMillion, Forever Young, PositiveAndFun, … (I am sure similar overwrought monikers exist for men. WellHung comes to mind.)
Here is the story of my encounter with a potential match, 2 kilometers away, “(Story) Serenely single, Independent, Highly-educated, Artistic and Creative, Empathetic, Spiritual and Adventurous. Seeking a true gentleman with a good heart … (Perfect Match) Someone who has style and is young at heart. Creative in whatever form that takes — artistic, musical, questing for meaning in life, etc … (Ideal Date) Somewhere chill-axing with nice music to have a drink, maybe even two if we really like each other.”
Clearly, I qualified. ;-)
Me: I definitely prefer two drinks over one, so we better like each other when, and if, we meet! ;-) More about me here: [link]
She: Hello Andreas
thanks for the further info
because your profile doesn’t reveal very much
I like it that you are into having a drink and not the old coffee interview routine
Anyways OK let’s meet for a drink — or two ?
Me: Absolutely, (Name). How about this Sunday arvo somewhere downtown broadly construed? Any suggestions where? And when would be your preferred time?
She: Sunday too far away
You probably don’t know it because you’re Czechoslovakian
but that’s the shearer’s wife’s lament
It was also a very good film that I remember seeing when I was at school and it starred Jack Thompson
It was called the beginning of the new wave
Sorry if my grammar is a bit out it’s just that I am dictating
So what you’re showing me right from the very start here is that you are very busy
for the next three days and the next three nights
And basically I am therefore a low priority
because if a man is really interested then he will make time to see me
Cause no one’s that busy
because he’s the kind of guy who’s got his priority sorted
& that’s manly !!
And that’s what attracts me
Not this waitin around til your have a free moment on your dance card
Me: Well, I am in week 3 of a very hectic term. And, yes, I am quite busy. I go to my office at 2 or 3 am to be on top of things. Because I owe it to my co-workers and students. So, your inference is simply wrong. But your answer is telling.
She: Look I know how much academics work
Give me a break
You should try running a big business if you think you are sooooo busy
So funny mr busy
She seems very precious, no? Type Northern Beaches precious, I’d guess. Sometimes you just have to take a hard look at yourself and realize that you are not up to their standard …
Anyways, … I was talking about the crap and deception that you have to cut through. And it is not just names.
What follows are excerpts from an exchange I had with someone who has an excellent point about how men and women face different risks in the dating game. “(Story) … Your beauty icon? For as long as I can remember I have been at awe of Audrey Hepburn. What quality do you value most in people? Honesty and loyalty. What daily rituals makes you happy? Going to bed and my coffee first thing in the morning. … Other than family, what do you value the most? My health. What shop are you guaranteed to drop money in? Lululemon, Cue, Zara, Rebel, and David Jones. … Drinks: Water (lots of it) Doesn’t drink: Alcohol … (Perfect Match) Not looking for a passenger in life but a co-pilot. Someone who looks after themselves, values their health, enjoys fine dining, the outdoors, is not a game player ( I have no tolerance for BS), … (Ideal Date) To start, a coffee date in a quiet [public] place.”
Sounded interesting. And the pictures were intriguing.
Me: A coffee date in a quiet (public) place sounds grand. Not much on my profile here but you can find out more here if interested: [link]
She: Impressive. Do you usually provide your personal information to women on [platform] so early?
Me: Depends. In general I am a pretty open book (especially if women that I like want more info), so I like to cut through the crap. I am not into playing games. And much of the information about me is easily to retrieve if people can put 1+1 together.
She: Fair enough, I am very careful but I guess women are better baits then men when it comes to scammers. Already had 2 and 3 warnings from [platform].
Me: Yes, I guess that is a problem. I have not encountered attempts at scamming yet.
She: Where is the name Andreas from?
Me: I am sure the name reflects my mother’s Christian beliefs. I was named after one of the disciples, my (half-)brother after another.
She: I meant the racial origin of your name?
Me: Testing my google skills? ;-) “The name derives from the Greek noun ἀνήρ anēr, with genitive ἀνδρός andros, which means “man”.” Didn’t know, I have to admit.
She: Thanks, you learn something new everyday. What is your racial background?
Me: Caucasian for all I know. You?
She: Were you born here?
Me: Nope, born in Germany. But have lived outside Germany more than inside. Two decades US, one decade Prague, since 2009 here …
She: Is there a photo you can upload of yourself to your [platform] profile that is NOT on the internet in order to verify the person you say you are? The photos of Andreas Ortmann that are on your profile are on the internet and anyone can copy these photos and pretend is Andreas Ortmann — you. 🙂
Me: I want to keep my [platform] profile sparse. How about you send an email to email@example.com. It must be me if you get a response from that address, right? Also, is the second picture (recently, with my taller childhood friend) on the internet? Shouldn’t be because I posted it only on Facebook and most of what I post there is private/limited to a set of friends.
In related matters, [platform] now tells me we have advanced to “love letters” ;-) Go figure!
She: Ha ha… your other photo is very blurry. I will send you an email from a fake email i have (Address). Reason I asked about the photo is b/c a member here on [platform] who also gave me his LinkedIn profile turned out to be fake and scammer. I got in touch with the person he was pretending to be. I reported him and before he had a chance to know what was going on, [platform] deleted his account.
Me: That’s cool. And scary. Do send and I will respond. I normally — especially during terms — get up at 2 or 3 am and then in the late arvo am on wine time and off internet. Will respond tomorrow in the wee hours latest.
She:😊 ok. By the way, Andreas, my name is (Name).
Well, after some more exchanges we agreed on a coffee in a quiet [public] place. Upcoming next week. (I look forward to that one. I’m a sucker for beauty and smarts, what can I say. Stay tuned!)
Meanwhile I had several dates, including a couple that were quite enjoyable. One of them made me finally take a ferry ride out to Manly … and what a nice trip that is!
Consider making your opinion known by applauding, or commenting, or following me here, or on Facebook.